Skyrim my new compulsion.

I have been playing Skyrim for a few months now and I have kept a journal of adventures. Here is the first part I hope you all enjoy it!!


First Thought: Oooo, nice opening!
Second Thought: I wanna see a dragon!!!!
Third thought: today seems like a good day to die a few times.
Fourth Thought: Holy Toleto!!! It's a Dragon!!!!!!!!!

I heard the game had no cinematics and I wondered how the opening would be. It was perfect and straight to the point. No overlong introduction! It opened up with the movie title, so i felt more like i was actually going to be a part of something spectacular! then tthere’s 5 mins of listening to prisoners talk about dying and going home. The character creation screen was very, very nice, definitely a step up from oblivion, a lot of things are which will be features in later posts. But the best part of the scene was Alduin’s appearance, you will know that if you play with subtitles. That had to be the most amazing Dragon I had ever seen! I spent a hour watching that Dragon destroy everything, there where a few glitches, Getting close to him a few times was nice until he started setting me on fire, whacking me with his foot, and shaking me like a rag doll, which is always a good way to die, at least I does for my country right?

One thing that was a disappointment was that I had heard that the dragons actually talk so I was super stoked to see this only to see that I would have to have the subtitles on actually understand what he was saying and he didn't even move his mouth while talking? Like really.... But on a good note the dragons look beyond amazing so to me that makes up for it.

Moving on! After getting into the main quest, I had a hard time finding that damn dragonstone. First I didn’t know where the cave entrance was, so I constantly walked around that giant mountain. After checking the diary, I found it. They could’ve put a marker on the screen.... I seriously wasted 25 minutes scaling a giant mountain to find a cave I had already passed by about 10 times.. Fail.

After going through creepy hallways and reaching the goal, the game jumped into high gear when I found a rock with the scribbles on it. I liked acquiring a dragon word actually made me feel powerful. Too bad you can’t get those in real life.

Then I fought my very first Dragon!! Getting burned to a crisp by the dragon was fun! I spent most of the battle looking at him thinking "aww isn't he just the greatest thing since sliced apple pie" just wish I could get atop that dragon and take him for a ride! (Little did i know in dragon born dlc i could!!)

Using the power of Dragon Shouts felt morelike using the Force…but with SCREAMING!!

So this is my first impression of Skyrim. Thank you so much for reading!!

I Cant Sleep....

I absolutly love this song!!! i have been listening to it quiet a bit and i am not a big country fan but i do find music that relates to me and my personal sitution. thats what music really is about right? Peace, Love and Rock on!!!!!


I've been up all night long
Just waitin' on the sun
I've given up, damn the dawn
It ain't never gonna come

Something's wrong
As long as you're gone

I'm not gonna sleep 'til I touch your face
Baby, not a wink I could go for days
If you ever needed to see me down on my knees
Take a look at me, baby, I can't sleep

Remember when you said we wouldn't last
I couldn't swallow my pride
Whoa, it's sinkin' in, baby, losin' you has
Finally opened my eyes

I'm wide awake
As long as it takes

And I'm not gonna sleep 'til I touch your face
Baby, not a wink I could go for days
If you ever needed to see me down on my knees
Take a look at me, baby I can't sleep

I'm not gonna sleep 'til I touch your face
Baby, not a wink I could go for days
If you ever needed to see me down on my knees
Take a look at me, baby I can't sleep

'Til I touch your face
Baby, not a wink I could go for days
I'm not gonna sleep 'til I touch your face
Baby, not a wink, I can't sleep

Is it a total eclipse of the heart?

People come across their true love in many different ways; whether it be love at first sight or the love that you fight with every inch of your heart to gain.

& Then there are the unlucky people, whose hearts have been broken from their so-called-true-love.

Love is infinite, you can make as much love as you want.

Some people think they have love, and they try their best to keep it.

So why do people who really have that true love, lose it so quickly? Does that mean it's only true love from one perspective or does it mean that the tree of love that blossomed "Oh so quickly" was just an illusion of the heart?

Do some people even understand what true love really is? Is it when, when you're not with your loved one, your heart burns of sadness? Or is it when, you're with them, it seems like you two are the only people in the world? Or is it even when you feel like bursting into tears at home because you cant stand another minute without the spark they bring in your life? 

The search for true love, is the hardest thing to do in life, so should you just give up? Or is that love worth fighting for?

Continue on your search , while I continue on mine. Wish me luck and I'll wish you luck. Break my heart and dig a hole in it forever.

The shape of my heart....

Baby, please try to forgive me ,Stay here don't put out the glow, Hold me now don't bother if every minute it makes me weaker.You can save me from the person i have become..Lookin' back on the things I've done I was tryin' to be someone i played my part, kept you in the dark, Now let me show you the shape of my heart.. Sadness is beautiful, loneliness that's tragical,  So help me I can't win this war.....I'm here with my confession, Got nothing to hide no more, I don't know where to start But to show you the shape of my heart

Faking till you Make it......

Do you ever feel like everyone is looking at you as you walk through a crowd?  Do they perhaps see something odd in the way you walk or the way you are holding a package?  Welcome to my world.  Maybe people aren’t looking.  The goal, naturally, is to blend in as much as possible, but this is no easy task.
Take, for instance, what happened yesterday.  I needed to return a book to the college bookstore.  They listed the wrong book for a class, and I was taking it back for a refund.  Sounds simple.  Oh, but I dropped my receipt on the floor.  My feelings about the floor are not a secret.  I call it the “deplorable” floor.  Things were now a lot more complicated.
I reassured myself that all would be okay.  At least it was cold out, so I could wear my cotton gloves.  I put on the gloves right before stepping out of the car; that was just the beginning of the process, though.  The dirty receipt was on the car seat; the book was in the trunk.  Since I had no choice but to hold the receipt with one glove, I also had to hold the book in the same hand.  The other gloved hand had to remain clean to hold my purse.
I had to get the book out of the trunk first.  I put a plastic bag over one glove to open the trunk.  I started to grab the book, and then another wrench was thrown into the process.  I bumped my left glove against the side of the trunk, at least I’m pretty sure that I did.  It doesn’t matter if I did or not; it looked like I did, so I might as well have.  Now my left glove was dirty and I had to carry the book and receipt in that hand.  I usually carry dirty objects in my right hand by default so that I don’t get confused and in case I have to sign anything at the store.
Now I really had to focus.  I carried my purse in my right hand and the book and receipt in the left.  It took about three minutes to trek to the store, and it was a twenty minute wait in line inside the store.  Holding a heavy college textbook for that long in one hand and out far enough that it doesn’t touch your body is actually painful, but with OCD you do what you have to.  I was so relieved when I finally made it up to the counter, and then what I was hoping wouldn’t happen, did.  To get a refund I had to, not just sign, but fill out a form.  My left glove was already dirty, and I am left handed, so this was bad.
So, there I was with two contaminated gloved hands, and I had to carry my purse out.  There was one time in a similar situation that I did grab my purse handles, but then I had to go through an elaborate cleaning process when I got back to my car.  I did not want to repeat that, so I decided that I would rather risk looking peculiar.  I know I have looked peculiar many times before, like the times when I carried my purse with one hand on each side so that I wouldn’t have to touch the handles, or the times I held it with the bottom in the palms of my hands.  Talk about getting some looks.  One thing made this time slightly better – I had a refund receipt to hold in one hand.  It looked a little awkward, but I acted like I was holding my purse up with one hand so I that I could use a couple of fingers to straighten out the receipt while I was intently perusing it.  I kept this up the entire three minutes back to the car.
Germophobes can become fairly good  as not to stand out from the crowd, Sometimes you just have to fake it.

The last week.

I have learned a lot of things over the last week. Things about myself and the consequences of the choices we make. Everything that you do and say affect the outcome of your life. No matter how big or small. So the question is what now? Well only time will tell that really. In the wake of this storm are broken hearts., and yes I was to blame for that. There is no undoing the damage that has been done, still doesn't change the fact that it hurts. The kind of hurt you feel when you breath that gives that painful jab that's there only to remind you.

Reality

crying myself to sleep without knowing whether i can survive alone with my thoughts all day i failed today and my brains cant stop punishing me.

its not ok

When you love someone so deeply, they become your life, it's easy to succumb to the overwhelming fears inside. I can't pretend these tears
aren't overflowing steadily, i can't prevent this hurt from almost overtaking me.

My bucket list

Confession 1

Maybe there is reason to believe that this year will be better than the last... I can't remember the last thing that you said cause the days go by so fast.

The smell of the hospital, its so familiar like a second home. If you think that I can be forgiven I wish you would. I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on, that this to will pass.