My talk with granny

Wow 2 posts in one day.... Today must be bad lol granny always seems to bring me back. Back to that moment. That moment when she says "I wish your mom was here" the guilt rushes over me... Failure. I am taken back to that November day. The day that haunts me. The day where one decision cost me the one person I could have saved had I not been selfish. At that moment the OCD kicks in "it's your fault she isn't here... You should have came straight home.... You shouldn't have been thinking that you where going to have to listen to another fight between your parents because your mom was drunk... You shouldnt have wished it would stop... Be careful what you wish for.." I cry. I try to push away the OCD thoughts " she blames you... She just won't say it.. They ALL blame you" Then it breaks me and I sit in the car and let the tears fall. And then i get a call out of no where from Mitch i answer it he says " I just called to tell you I love you and there are 800 people here" i snap back and smile... I take a breath and feel my heart racing.. He just saved me and he doesn't even know it.