It's like walking the green mile everyday...sometimes it is so much I can't breath. My palms get sweaty.. It's almost time. I can feel my heart in my throat. And when I see him I can't choke it back anymore, I give in and let the tears fall. The nurse comes in and looks at me. I smile at her and wipe the tears away. It's amazing how I can fake a smile but really I feel like I am dieing on the inside a little bit everyday. But that's the side that no one sees till I am alone in my room here and it consumes me. I feel like the helpless child all over again.